Easter Morning

It’s Easter.

I grew up with it being a big holiday, even though our church didn’t acknowledge holidays at all. In fact, they were often seen as secular. But my grandma made it special.

We usually spent it at her house in Eastern Washington. Egg hunts everywhere. She would hide baskets and eggs inside and outside. She made my favorite lime green pastel jello. And for some reason, she believed I loved Kraft macaroni and cheese served cold from the fridge. She would cook it, then refrigerate it before serving.

I never corrected her.

Now, every time I take a bite of cold mac and cheese, I think of her.

We dressed up for Sunday morning meeting, but my mom would add extra lace and frill for our Easter photos. We didn’t talk about what Easter meant in Christianity. To us, it was bunny rabbits, jelly beans, ham and jello, fancy place settings, and time with family.

After I left meetings, Easter became confusing in a different way. In some ways, it felt even more Hallmark.

But a group of us also started exploring more deeply. Passover. The resurrection. I think about the women who first discovered the empty tomb and what that must have felt like.

I don’t know exactly where my faith lands these days.

I can’t find myself in a church structure, but my heart still leans toward compassion and love. The words of Jesus feel both human and divine. He questioned the Pharisees within his own religion. He challenged systems. He disrupted what had become rigid and performative. And in his resurrection we can be assured that love overcomes death (whether we take that literally or metaphorically).

This year, Easter feels simple and calm… I canceled my plans. My body wants to be home. To sit with my own history and notice what the idea of resurrection means to me now.

I still celebrate with bunnies and jelly beans for the kids. There’s magic in the holiday- aliveness and joy.

There’s also no more trying to reconcile two different lives at once. No more feeling like I’m doing something wrong for participating in a day that always meant something to me.

I am blending old traditions with the new… feeling thankful for what gives my family calm and joy, while knowing there’s a deeper meaning to this holiday than what I allowed myself to really contemplate growing up.